I love Eau de Toilette with MrPSB

First sighted in February 1999, Mark Williamson's seminal work "Eau de Toilette" attracted reviews.  The first series was later expanded and was joined by some Special Editions.  Unfortunately the big budget Series 2 was canned by its creator shortly after the crack team of writers ran out of crack.  Presented here for your viewing entertainment is the entire box set.


At Eau de Toilette's peak people actually read it and didn't just see the subject header and say "Oh, not again":

"You are one sick puppy. Did you write this, or just quote it?" - toyah 

"You are not funny, Merely Purile & Banal" - John Pickford (author of Glider Rider)

"that one was actully quite amusing. slightly." - James Thompson

"i think that poems suck,
at least the ones i read in here...
written by a sad sad man,
who probably is queer..

he thinks its very funny,
rhyming words with poo.
he thinks hes really clever
but he hasnt got a clue...

his poems structures basic
im copying it now,
he really needs his face kicked,
and his headstuck up a cow...

His name dear friends,
is oh so very silly..
His name you know is Mr PSB
and he hasnt got a willy.

(his boyfreind told me)

The END!"
- favus

Gary Glitter is a bad man

So without any further ado, here it is, The Complete Eau de Toilette

Eau de Toilette:  The Original Series

#1: Toilet Duck
Toilet Duck is good,
At cleaning up poo,
But if you drink it,
It will kill you.

#2: Boots the Chemist
If perfume is made,
From toilet water,
Do they strain out the poo?
I think they oughta!

#3: Munchies

If you eat poo,
Your breath will smell,
But if you drink wee,
You're going to hell.

#4: That scene from Ghost
You can mould poo,
In your hand,
But only if you,
Want a reprimand.

#5: The unexpected
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hang on a minute,
Blue rhymes with poo!

#6: Playground threats
I will fight you,
for your poo,
If you hit me,
I will wee wee.

#7: Modern
The poo slid down the wall
It stuck a bit
and then further
as if it were a piece of poo
on a wall

The poo was observing
life passing by
wondering, who created me?
what is my purpose?
Down the wall,

A man entered the chamber
and sat
he saw his brethren falling
into oblivion
screaming out in pain

"No" cried the poo
sliding down the wall
"No!" cried the man
going mad am I thought he
Poo of a vocal nature

The moral is our creator
will ultimately destroy
us. I think.
Or it could be of a TV show
that is in essence poo, involves,

#8: Nursery School
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
doing a smelly poo
Ho ho ha ha he he ho
it looks just like you!

#9: Culinary
A. I'd like a sandwich,
   Spread thickly with poo,
B. Hang on a minute sir,
   I'll fetch some from the loo.

B. Is that enough sir?
A. Yes, that'll do,
B. Then sit over there,
   I'll bring you your poo.

A. My poo is too tough,
   I can't eat it,
B. Well I'm afraid, sir,
   That's just tough shit.

Special Edition #1: General Studies Paper 2 case study
If you feel the urge to poo,
You had better find a loo,
When you find you need a crap,
Time to find that OS map,
As you're bursting for a shit,
better learn to read it,
When you find it's far too late,
Use it as bog paper, mate.

Special Edition #2: Genetically Modified Turd
I sold my shit to science,
I left a part of me behind in the lab,
The fruit of my bowels,
The son of my colon,
Dispatched to a bucket,
For a dollar and a peanut.

Star Wars Eau de Toilette:
If Darth Vader gripped,
The emperor's neck,
would his head,
turn bright red?

Eau de Toilette II

#1: Lunchtime
It's relaxing or so you think,
but then you thirst for a drink,
and a bite to eat,
a meaty treat.

So you sit there wondering,
What to do,
When you finish dumping,
You turn around and eat your piss-soaked faeces from the bowl.

Problem Solved.

Mr Goat is a toucher.

#3: Mother in Law
You shit on a plate,
and eat the still warm moist soft faeces from it,
Then you lick your fingers to remove every last trace,
Like a gleeful child with cotton candy.

And I only made a joke about your mother in law,
so if you sue me you will lose.