FAIRWEATHER, RICHARD Affectionately known to some as Cuntweather, the cheery Scot almost never posts these days. One time maintainer of edigi and originator of the CUNTS PAGE. Worked for the Daily Sport.

FAQ alt.digitiser has many FAQs, which endeavour to explain things to NEWBIES. DAVID DEANS stores a number of the FAQs here.




FISH BOY One of the few NEWBIES that bucked the trend and turned out not to be a pointless goit. Once went to a Blink182 concert, and decided to be incredibly ironic, by blinking 183 times. Needless to say, the crowd went wild. Clandestine sources indicate that he also attended a Marilyn Manson concert. Surely not? Possibly soon to become a member of the MANCHEST0R Possť.  WHERE IS HE NOW?  WHO KNOWS.

FLAMEFEST2K One of the darkest hours of alt.digitiser, Flamefest 2000 went like this:

Mr Biffo (on Digitiser): alt.digitiser needs new blood.
alt.digitiser: No, it doesn't. Fuck off, newbies.
Mr Biffo (on alt.digitiser): Stop being so anally-retentive.
Mr Biffo (on Digitiser): I agree with these suspiciously one-sided letters of whinge being sent in by AD newbies who were shunned by the newsgroup. After all, I virtually own alt.digitiser, except of course I don't at all.
Every Digitiser fanboy in the world: Let's start posting abusive rubbish on alt.digitiser to look good in front of Mr Biffo.
alt.digitiser: Fuck off. ALL OF YOU.

This was seemingly a cue for several million have-a-go Usenet heroes to wade into the newsgroup and casually mention that we were all worse than paedophiles for not welcoming new people with open arms. Things went from bad to worse to shit to arse, until, with killfiles overloaded and patience exhausted, the majority of AD and Mr Biffo decided that shouting at each other was tiresome and - hey! - we love each other anyway. Shucks.  DIGITISER IS GONE, ALT.DIGITISER IS THE WINNER.

FOOTNOTES Reintroduced to AD in recent times by GLYNDWR, footnotes are an excellent way to present information in as tortured, screen-scrolling and headache-inducing a way as is humanly possible. They also have the added advantage of making those 500 messages you've just downloaded simply fly by, by making them all read like fucking physics textbooks.

FREEMAN, KEN Words cannot do justice to how totally, utterly shit this man was, and most likely still is. The original blinkered PC fanboy and total CAMPBELL hater. Continually denied the plainly obvious fact that the PC is dying as a games machine, even when evidence to prove it was posted. Apparently it was lies, or something. Later threads involving Ken did not even meet that intellectual standard, until he was ushered out of the group in one of the most memorable events of alt.digitiser history. The thread, which will probably be laughed at for years to come, before being dramatised and shown on BBC2 as a Ken Freeman theme night, resulted in him advocating the rape of women, because apparently by dressing provocatively, they're "asking for it." Ken was metaphorically smacked by each member of the group, and left entirely minutes later. Someone claiming to be Ken later came to the group. Nobody was quite sure if this was the real bloke, but he did adopt Ken's posting style, before impersonating all of the regulars and inevitably having his ISP account killed.

.FUCKFACE Traces its origin back to ALT.TEST.FUCKFACE. Appended to URLs or newsgroup names that the alt.digitiser regulars have known about for years and are fed up of telling people to use. E.G. http://MAKEASHORTERLINK.COM.FUCKFACE

FUZZ Said by some to deserve listed status as a national treasure.  Others take a more balanced view that it was a hilariously poor attempt at growing a beard, making BUML0R resemble a 15 year old hanging around outside SOMERFIELD GARAGES drinking (BULMER'S) cider, kissing even younger girls impressed by his manly facial hair and smoking cigarettes.  Like the raging debate about the grass growing in PR0T beach, people said it is a terrible ugly thing, or it is natural, and should be left to grow, with ONLINE PETITIONS aplently. Whichever opinion you agree with, you can't deny Liverpool will be even bleaker now the fuzz is gone.