![]() DAWES, ROBERTSTER Everybody loves Robertster Dawes, even his Mum. Outcast of alt.digitiser.snakes because his news server stopped carrying it. So now he annoys us instead.
DBSNAPPA
Middle aged photographer, who writes his posts like he’s a 14 year old moron. Might be Welsh. Loves to tediously reel off names of C-List celebrities he's met. Responds to every post about Glyndwr and Branch to let us know that he's met them in real life and knows them and everything. Possibly a former coke addict. For examples of DBSnappa’s work, see
GOATSE.CX
DEADJOURNAL
Site that allows people to upload "blogs", informing us of every little tedious fucking event of their life.
MIKE JENKINS has come up with
possibly the best explanation of them so far: "here is my deadjournal,
1. NOBODY CARES 2. END 3. I AM A LESBIAN". Approximately half
of alt.digitiser regulars have at some point deadjournalled, and a fair
few still do. You know, THE ONES WITH NO SHAME. That isn't a
link, by the way, STOP CLICKING. And that one. DEANS, DAVID (aka
PAndroid, Androidfearsatan) Once one of alt.digitiser's most
prolific posters, even going as far as to make a joke. Famous for his morose, considered
style and love for Radiohead. His leaving message gave a mention to
just about everyone apart from MIKE
CHAMBERLAIN. Now back and as
melancholy as ever. Except he isn't back at all, he's FUCKED THE FUCK
OFF AGAIN. These people with their "real lives" SICKEN ME
TO THE CORE. Taunted by Garrett for failing to get into Cambridge
and become an official cunt.
DENNETT, STUART
Scouser, famous for his black jeans. Designs web pages and other stuff. Been posting to alt.digitiser for ever.
DERVISH, KEN If Mr. GERRY
ROSS hadn't been born, not only would the world have been 3% better,
but Ken Dervish would also hold the crown for King of Mess Ups. I'm not
sure how anyone can be so wrong so much of the time, but Ken manages, in
his aggressive, whinging, whining style. MORE OF THIS, PLEASE. IT
WILL NEVER HAPPEN, HE LEFT YEARS AGO. JESUS CHRIST.
DIGIMON
Abbreviating Digitiser to
Digi has occasionally caused problems with Digimon fanboys, who abbreviate
things to digi. The problem being they are all fans of a toy which
started life as a Tamagotchi rip-off, and then when Pokémon took off
"digivolved" into a bit of a Pokémon rip-off instead. The
most famous run-in was over the completely dead and empty alt.fan.digi,
which the digimon people attempted to take over. This disgraceful
lack of respect for one of Mentski's newsgroups lead to an all-out WAR,
predictably ending in appeals to ALT.CONFIG,
and the victory of alt.digitiser. DIGITISER Cultish (that says cultish) Channel 4
Teletext (ex-p175, if you must know) daily videogames magazine to which
alt.digitiser was originally dedicated when it was created. You know,
before we got fed up of saying "STAY AWAY FROM MR T'S BINS LOL"
to each other, and moved on to "MOHH". Written by the notorious drug runner and
journalist PAUL
ROSE with contributions from some guy called Udders. Most of the
content is presented by one of numerous cartoon characters / celebrities
(Computer Boy, Fat Sow, The Beetles, Zombie Dave). Good. It was. Yes. Official Digitiser
website link at bottom. Except not, because Digitiser was destroyed
when Mr Biffo decided that he was fed up writing using a load of crazy
characters with hilarious catchphrases and instead decided to go and write
Eastenders instead. A VICTORY FOR ALT.DIGITISER, then. Or not. DIGIWORLD.TV STOP MESSING ABOUT WITH CAMPBELL'S FACE AND GET ON WITH MORE THE WEEKLY, J NASH. DILF
Mad female woman type who
occasionally works up the courage to post, normally being denounced as a
SHIT NEWBIE by anybody who is to hand at
the time. Anyway, more of a DEADJOURNALler
than a a.d. person. To find out why I bothered at all, see WOMEN.
DISTURBANCE8 Scarily accurate RIOT 9 parody,
right down to it originally being created in about 24 hours. Is now much
more than a parody, as it now has porn. Created by CHARING
CROSS BRANCH.
DONAVON, GEMMA (aka Gemma
D.) Famous hoax by CRAIG
HUGHES, the "beautiful" Gemma claimed she was a female games players
with a life and that she would not shag anyone in the newsgroup, which
meant we may have had a lucky escape, I suppose. Killed off by Hughes at
the moment of the discovery of the hoax, she now regularly surfaces as ZOMBIE
GEMMA, a bit like Zombie Dave, but a lot more good looking.
DOVE,
JIM Genius. That's all I know. Recently returned to AD after an
absence of quite a long time. Left again after one day, hence genius.
DO YOU
SEE? The famous phrase invented by MR.
BIFFO on Digitiser has become like a National Anthem for
alt.digitiser, except a lot shorter, and with no tune, and with nothing
about the greatness of our country. So nothing like a National Anthem at
all, really. Idiot. Recent allegations by Mr Gay Huges suggest that the
phrase may not have originated on Digi as previously thought; "the
aforementioned phrase was not in fact first popularised by cuddly MR.
PAUL ROSE, but by scary Thatcher-esque dog trainer, Barbara Woodhouse
during the early 80's when she had a Television Programme informing us how
to commit crimes that would normally be investigated by the RSPCA and get
away with it by calling it training."
DREAMS Despite being unofficially affiliated with
the nation's most read games magazine, the regulars of alt.digitiser
rarely talk of it, or of games. They much prefer to make long posts
detailing the exciting things that happened in their dreams the night
before. Dream thread king is DAVID
BULMER who tells us of at least two of his dreams every week, closely
followed by CHARING CROSS BRANCH.
Luckily, dream threads have dissipated over time, something we should all be thankful for, as they were extremely fucking tedious.
DYSWIDT? Lee & Herring endorsed phrase that has been embraced by alt.digitiser. A descendant of "DO YOU
SEE?", this should be used after something amusing has been said, in
order to ram home the point that the poster has said something funny that
you may be too stupid to have noticed. Oh, and you work it out.
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